whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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