I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
