How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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