I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
