Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
