This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
