Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
