Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
