my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
