Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
