I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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