her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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