I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
