no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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