I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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