You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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