Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
