imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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