I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
