I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
