So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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