Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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