all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
