I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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