How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
