guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
