is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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