Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
