Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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