The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
