Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
