is your mom at the bar?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
