It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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