my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
