I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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