I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
