Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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