chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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