For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
