If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
