Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
