he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
