xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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