Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
