if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
