our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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