well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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