This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
