i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
