I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
