I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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