STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize