lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
