Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
