I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Help me help you realize you are a moron