I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes