omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.