so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?