rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.