i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
