she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
