Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
