Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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