Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
