you didnt know i had herpes?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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