I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
