even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
