If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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