I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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