fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
