I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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