i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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