Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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