dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
