their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
