so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
