she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
