No stitches, just platelets and will power
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
we're so committed to being not committed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
