You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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