I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
