He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
