my phone needs a breathalizer
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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