just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Too much gin, very little bucket
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
