Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
