I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You pole danced in your parka.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
third nipple confirmed
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
