i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
