You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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