Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
